wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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