dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
