It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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