Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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