What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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