So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
