there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
