My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
