you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
