You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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