I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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