I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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