Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
