Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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