sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
