can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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