You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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