Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
