If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
