do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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