I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
