Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
my shit smells like andre
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
