Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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