maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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