I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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