They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
