im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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