theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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