If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
