oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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