so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
