y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I would ride that face into the sunset
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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