Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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