I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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