I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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