just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
