she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
