there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
