He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
