wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
