am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
So many bounce houses so little time
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
