its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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