Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
