it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
