I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
