its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
