Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
