They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Your cock deserves a montage
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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