so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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