my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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